I don’t watch much TV….never really have. There’s just not that much that I’m actually interested in keeping up with. Growing up, I remember watching:
“Our House” (Chad Allen was such a cutie),
“Life Goes On” I loved Kelly Martin and thought the guy that played Tyler would someday be my boyfriend…and let’s not forget about Corky….I did impressions of him for several years (Lord forgive me)..
….and I LOVED “Touched By An Angel”.....
I remember crying every Sunday night when it came on. It was so motivational and had such a great message each week. I couldn’t help myself….(Don’t make fun….I’ve been ridiculously sensitive my entire life) It’s funny, I even remember Mom saying “oh, honey, it’s ok, you just have a real tender heart”….Aww, thanks for not making me feel like a freak, Mom.
The only thing I watch now is THE BACHELOR and Grey’s Anatomy. I’m really not proud of either one of those, but hey, it’s entertainment….and that’s pretty much the extent of my TV watching.
Enter Netflix.
Not too long ago, Caleb got Netflix, and I think it’s amazing. I mean, the other night when he was at kickball, I went through a lot of the menus on Netflix and discovered a Ronnie Milsap concert performance. I MEAN REALLY! It was fantastic. I sat in his living room BLARING Ronnie Milsap and didn’t feel an ounce of shame…it was fantastic. I discovered a scary movie (I seriously wish I had waited for a time that Caleb was home to watch too…. I was so scared), and most exciting, we have discovered a couple new TV shows that are quite good. One in particular that has seriously captured my heart lately. (I’ll tell you again….dont make fun…I truly cant control my overly emotional heart)
Celebrity Rehab (season 3) with Dr. Drew is painfully difficult for me to watch, and yet I cant stop.
The participants included Heidi Fleiss (what a train wreck), Mindy McCready (when did she get so off track?!?!), Lisa D’Amato (stunningly gorgeous), McKenzie Phillips (what a fighter), Mike Starr (from Alice In Chains), Dennis Rodman (he did NOT capture my heart), and Tom Sizemore (actor from Saving Private Ryan)….to name a few. Shortly into the 2nd or 3rd show I was tearing up at the trauma that these individuals have survived. I mean, some HORRIFIC things have happened to them, and the damage as a result caused many of them to turn to substance abuse.
McKenzie Phillips….holy cow. It was obvious right away that she genuinely, honestly wanted to work the program and get better. Her determination made me love her right away. (Plus she got a call that her beloved dog had to be put to sleep while she was in rehab…(oh hell yes, I cried)….she was able to go to the vet to be with the dog, but still….as if she wasn’t going through enough!)
Lisa D’Amato….what a gorgeous, sweet girl, but her childhood was difficult for me to comprehend. Oh my Lord…. What MOTHER can allow terrible, terrible things to happen to their child, be aware that they are happening and not come to their rescue? That poor, defenseless little girl…. I cried for Lisa too.
Heidi Fleiss….I mean, really….look at her. She has like 20-something birds at her home and she lives alone out in the desert, essentially. What a lonely, sad, person. I love Mother Teresa and one of my favorite quotes of hers that kept coming to mind when I watched Heidi was “Loneliness is the greatest poverty known to man”…. (Her point was that as Christians we have the ability to love and to prevent loneliness in the people around us, and I think that is beautiful). Anyway, Heidi’s sadness and loneliness just made me want to hug her and tell her she’s awesome and that I’d love to be her friend.
OK, I’ve only talked about 3 of them so far and MAN….all three have been ridiculously sad! I watched, and began to really feel for these people and (literally, sometimes) cheered them on, or told them that they “can totally do this”….and to “be strong”. (Yes, I’m sure Caleb was annoyed….but he understands me most of the time, so he let me talk passionately to my new friends on the TV)…..
Tom Sizemore….. what a sad man. My heart broke just watching him realize all that he had lost, and where his life ended up. I sat on the couch just really pulling for him and hoping the rehab “sticks” and he will get healthy.
Mindy McCready….man, I used to love her music! What a talent….and a pretty girl. How do you let a man hurt you like that, and go back, and almost die at the hands of an abuser? You were at the top of the country charts….hot, talented, wealthy….. what did you not see in yourself that allowed you to be in a relationship like that? Holy God….what went wrong….and when did prescription drugs start sounding like the answer? Mindy seemed the most “normal” of the group, and was kind to the other residents. I loved her pretty quickly.
My very favorite, though, was Mike Starr….the former bassist from the band “Alice In Chains”.
I pretty much hate rock music, so I certainly didn’t expect to feel anything for him. When he first came in, he was the one that was abusing the hardest drugs the most frequently. When I heard him talk, and saw how he treated the other residents, I began to really like him. He seemed to genuinely want to get better. The lead singer from the band was his best friend and he died of an overdose. This pain was still very real and very prevalent in Mike, and it was hard to watch him grieve. He handled detox well considering all the HORRIBLE stuff his body was going through. I watched wanting SO BADLY for him to make it through and to stay strong. On “Friends & Family” day he invited his late friend’s mother to join him. It was EXTREMELY moving and bitter sweet to watch him process the grief with her. The mom told him “stay here as long as you need to….just get better. I love you, and Layne (the dead friend) would want that for you”. OMG….yes, I was crying again. Mike did well in rehab. He took it seriously and worked really hard. I became his biggest fan. Seemed like such a decent guy with potential to be healthy and to be so much happier. I wanted them all to get better….but I especially wanted Mike to.
A few episodes before the finale, I was feeling really proud of Mike and I turned to Caleb and said “I wonder if he stays sober. I really hope he is one of the people that gets famous again and wildly successful in his sobriety”. Caleb didn’t say anything and I said, “what….does he start using again?” and he said “He died a few months ago from a drug overdose”.
BRING ON THE WATER WORKS….. What!? No!! Not Mike Starr…..nooooooo, he was going to get better and be happy and be an example to people all over that you CAN get better, and you CAN get your life back.
I cried. I just sat on the couch and cried. Yeah, I should be embarrassed….but I’m just not. This is me….and I cant help it. I watched these people talk about and try to work through all the pain that caused them to start using in the first place and then watched them realize they needed help, and take steps to get better and get SO CLOSE…. Oh my gosh! It hurts me that this pain, sadness and helplessness is a reality for so many people.
The whole next day I thought about Mike Starr and truly felt a sadness for him, for his situation, for his family, and for his fans. I was not a fan of the band, or the music, but I became a fan of his. He was so close and yet couldn’t quite stay the course.
Ya know what I realized? These are just PEOPLE….not actors, and singers, models, athletes and musicians….these are just every day people that struggle with the same stuff that we do, and feel the same feelings, and get bothered by the same things that we do….every day. It also made me think about the people I work with, and walk by at Wal-Mart and drive next to on the freeway…. You just never know who is battling something, whose friend just died, who has been abused their whole life, whose spouse is hurting them, who didn’t get any sleep last night b/c they have a sick child, whose marriage is falling apart, who is only “ok” on the outside…..I mean, you just never know. You wouldn’t have guessed that most of these people would end up in rehab and yet they did….they fall just like we all could.
My most AWFUL and most painful situations are absolutely NOTHING and completely insignificant compared to the realities of the people on the screen before me. I am really lucky. I am lucky that I have the family that I have, that I was born in this country, that having more than enough is “normal” for me, that growing up I was protected, sheltered, defended, safe, and that I have a support system that will either keep me from, or get me through my lowest points in life.
Our lives on this planet are ridiculously tough and some really horrific things happen here. I am so grateful to know that this is not “it” for my life, and then it’s over….but that I have another, better, happier eternity waiting for me. I pray that knowing that, I will think twice next time I want to honk and tail gate the person that just absent mindedly pulled out in front of me, or is driving too slow, or is blocking the aisle at the grocery store.
Lastly, and most importantly, I am so thankful to know the God of the Universe and to feel a sense of hope and promise from that relationship. Things suck for me sometimes too…..but no matter how bad it gets, I know that I’m not alone, and that there are promises from the Lord that have never ever failed me.
I started watching Celebrity Rehab thinking it was just going to be ridiculous people paying the consequence for making stupid and irresponsible decisions. I finished watching Celebrity Rehab with a softened heart, a grateful heart, and a promise to grant grace to those around me…..cuz you just never know who might need a break.
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