We head back to work tomorrow. Hello, 2011. Not sure how I feel about you being here. I mean, besides the fact that I thought I would be a stay at home mom, with no debt, a nice house, husband and two children…. I’m doing well. I work full time, my debt stresses me horribly, I live in a rented house, have no husband and no children…..just a large, hairy golden retriever/ridgeback dog that I love with my entire heart. BUUUUUTTTTT, notwithstanding all of that, I’m doing well. Sigh. Maybe 2011 will be the year that some of “my plan” falls into place…. Or maybe God will use another 12 months to demonstrate to me that my plan really means nothing….absolutely not anything…at all…..which honestly, when I’m not feeling sorry for myself, I’m abundantly grateful for. I have no doubt whatsoever that the God of the universe can orchestrate a far better plan than my own….. but trusting a plan that I don’t see or understand is one of the biggest struggles of my existence.
So seriously, we go back to work tomorrow. I got a decent amount of things done over the break, but it really didn’t feel all that relaxing. Austin is always pretty busy and not much just CHILL OUT time, but I wouldn’t trade that for the world. Being back here in Fort Worth has been good, but the four days have flown, and while I’ve gotten some things done I didn’t get to everything. Oh well, I guess it gives me an opportunity to act on one of my resolutions for the year…..to spend more time alone and be more independent. I’ll use the “alone time” to finish up the cleaning, read more, and just THINK. I feel like God has done the most with me when I was going through breakups and/or “alone time” to really just think, and cry, and think some more. I guess I’m feeling like I need that. Who the hell knows what I need?? Cherry vodka, maybe? No, I’m kidding. Really, I am.
So here they are….. my goals for the year…..we’ll see how well I do with them…
1. Exercise….in some form, 3 times each week (hidden in this goal is the sub-goal of losing 30lbs by July….my weight has never been this outrageously high and I’m dangerously close to the point that I said I would jump off a building if I ever reached)
2. Cook something…..at least once a week
3. Read a book per month
4. PAY OFF DEBT….. ugh, this one makes me want to throw up. Its hard to put a plan together when you don’t have the money!
5. Journal….in the form of a blog…. (welcome! I’m off to a good start on this one)
6. Try to care less….about everything.
The last one is the only one that I really don’t know how to track or implement. I mean, how do you change who you truly are? It’s like trying to make my eyes not be brown….they just are. But we’ll see….I’m going to try to consciously decide that I don’t care about things. I don’t want to be upset or feel as much as I do….I’d rather just be able to have a “oh well” sort of an attitude. Wish me luck.
So there ya go…. I’m now officially a blogger. Thanks for reading….you are one of a select few that have been given this blog site address….and subsequently access to the party that is going on in my head all the time. Brace yourself…..sometimes it even scares ME! :-)
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